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Language Resolutions
By PETER FUNT
PUBLISHED: December 18, 2012 |
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Here’s hoping there’s no new black in 2013. Gray worked as the new
black for a while. And, sure, November’s big Latino vote meant brown was
the new black, but, really, making anything else the new black in the New Year
would be, you know, so 2012.
I'm wishin' that in ’13 broadcasters will stop droppin' their g's. Linda
Cohn of ESPN, I'm talkin' to you! No more goin' to the hoop and scorin'.
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Politicians should
resolve to never again say, "The American people want..." Are
they claiming that every single American contacted them personally with a detailed
explanation of his vote? Really? (And, Seth Meyers of SNL, thanks, but we're
done with really.)
MSNBC folks, it's OK for the president, but the rest of us should quit sayin' "folks." More
pressing: stop adding "sort of" to each sentence. That affect is spreading
among progressives – especially on your show, Melissa Harris-Perry! – sort
of every 30 seconds.
Mr. Blitzer, you and the others at CNN have to stop crying wolf – or, as
you refer to it, “Breaking News!”
Now, Sean Hannity of Fox News Channel, you've fallen into a habit of starting
sentences with "Now..." Check the tape.
Bob Schieffer of CBS, let me ask you this question. Why do you begin
questions on "Face the Nation" by saying, "Let me ask you this
question"?
Radio traffic reporters: Why the right-hand lane and the left-hand lane? There's
no "hand" involved. Also, ask your perky colleague who does the weather
to stop saying, "There's rain for your Thursday, but it should dry out on
your Friday." Saying "your" doesn't make weather more personal.
Attention hosts on QVC and HSN, we get it: you have your own way of saying just
about everything. But must you always refer to prices as “price points”?
Why is a color a “coloration” and fabric a “fabrication”?
Also, is it really necessary to hype sales by warning, “When they’re
gone they’re gone”?
In the real fashion world, phrases change as fast as styles, so in ’13
terms like manthropology and Gangnam style will be, you know, so Kelvin.
Diane Sawyer of ABC, nice try, but “As we come on the air tonight” just
isn’t up there with “And that’s the way it is.”
TV reporters, as you write your makeshift scripts in the New Year, please refrain
from using the term makeshift.
Jon Stewart, your “Daily Show” is the funniest thing on TV. Time
to drop the faux bleeps and the overworked f-bombs.
Basketball announcers, how did “score” become “score the basketball”?
Baseball announcers, why is it that all of a sudden every pitcher is concerned
about “arm slot”? Football announcers, just because Jon Gruden says “down
and distance” when he means just one or the other, don’t rush to
copy him, and just because Chris Berman favors “come on, man” doesn’t
mean you have to obsess over it.
Ambassador Susan Rice: Sorry, but you now own the term “talking points.” Throw
the phrase off the linguistic cliff.
Right after Election Day we began cleansing words like Romnesia, Obamalarky,
and Romney Hood from the lexicon. However, Mister President, in your second term
please gin up a new expression to replace “gin up.”
Some annoying catch phrases take years to trickle down. So, at the end of the
day in 2012, only guests on Sunday talk shows are left saying "at the end
of the day." They should throw the phrase under the bus. Or, kick that
can down the road.
Bottom line (although we're probably finished calling it that): say what's on
your mind in 2013, but please, don't tell us there's no there there.
(c) Peter Funt. This column was originally distributed by the Cagle Syndicate.
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